Wednesday, 20 April 2016

Losing Father. And moving still.

It's been a long time that I have blogged. Last year I was having way too much writers block, so I thought of writing my thoughts on my phone. Then busyness struck me. And my father suddenly fell sick. Life started to move very fast. I thought I was a kid until the day when life changed within seconds, loosing the one who is the reason of my existence. I never thought I would still live, still breath, still laugh when I feel like crying my heart out every second, every moment, every single day. I am just my baba's girl, I don't like talking about sickness or sadness. I love being practical and dealing with things in the best way possible. People around me wanted to share the pain, the sadness I am going through, but sadly I don't feel good sharing pain through words, for I feel no one can feel the exact pain that's going on inside me. It's a pain that has no words, no perfect emotions, no boundaries, it is like a directionless vector.

This blog post wasn't a planned one, just a sudden thought. I was busy doing my project but not feeling right about anything. Felt restless, wanted to call someone but didn't. Wanted to go and relax, sleep, but couldn't. Wanted to cry the pain, but can't, as I am a strong girl, I have to be, I was born to be strong and survive the worst of all. I have to take care of my family. That's what a girl should do. That's what I should do.

I have been writing random thoughts everyday, and they aren't making any sense anymore. They are just sadness and nothing more, but I would love to inspire people, I would love to tell them, remind them what they have, because nothing lasts forever. 

I always thought sunrise is the best part of the day, but now I feel it's just a reminder that you've been given another day to live, so live your best.

Life is so short, I learnt it way too soon. Loving someone is the best thing that can ever happen. So as long as life is there, keep on loving, you never know when is the last time you see someone you love.

I wanted to write something, somewhere I love. So, I remembered the best place in the world. And this is the first time ever I am sharing it. My blog is my best buddy. Life is so different now. Yet everything is same. I am still dressing up, still applying the favorite kajal, still using the bright pink lipstick underneath the lipbalm. Still wearing the same sunglasses. Still doing my things like I used to do before. But somewhere something is missing in me. And I know even though I'm broken, I won't say a word. Because my lipstick and kajal does their wonder. They keep my mask happy. No matter what. And am happy with that. Because life is so short, I am not worried about anything anymore. Let's be happy, in love, good, kind, generous, sweet, and everything else because nothing lasts forever except memories. So I would love to create the best ones as much as I can!

Baba you breathe through me every single day, every single moment. I know for sure. For I am your part. and You are my whole existence. I wish I had written a blog about you previously about your awesomeness! I wish you could read the pain I am going through, The pain that is helping me grow every moment, the pain that is making me strong no matter what. The pain that is helping me to breathe, to live, to love, to respect, to be forgiving, to be clean, to be pure inside out. Every second in my mind you are there, thanks for this opportunity, I am eternally glad to be your daughter, and I need you as my father next life, and the life after until my soul ceases to exist.

March 18.